Monday, February 7, 2011

A lifetime in 6 months

And so it begins again:
I have been thinking about this blog a great deal over the past few days, especially with everything that has recently gone on in my life, and at first I was hesitant to start writing in it again because of some comments made to me about very heartfelt and personal previous posts. So, I will say this once, and early on in the post so as to avoid further annoyances from certain people. This blog is about my life; my feelings, my desires, my adventures, my passions, and whatever else I may deem important enough to write about. I apologize if anyone is ever offended by what I write, but know that nothing is written out of malice or ill will. If you read something you don't agree with I encourage discussion and the free expression of opinions, however, if you read my blog and feel you have the right to invalidate my experiences or feelings by comments such as "get over yourself", "no one cares", etc, then you probably should spend your time reading other things. With that said, onto the blog!

Each passing day brings with it new adventures, new feelings, new ideas, and new excitements, so one can only imagine what a time span of 6 months can bring an individual. My last post on this blog was back in August when my life was a whirlwind of not-so-high highs and very low lows. It's a funny thing to, at present, read back on past writings and realize that what used to make you sad now makes you smile, and what you thought was so awful at the time  has enabled a change in your life that might never have occured had outcomes been different.

Since that last post so many things have happened it's almost overwhelming to think about! Writing about it all in one sitting would make for an extremely long post that probably no one would want to read, so I will break it up into multiple posts and attempt to do the last 6 months of my life justice.

The Calm After the Storm:
It should come as no surprise that in order to understand how drastically my life has changed, mention needs to be made to a specific event, and the healing process that changed my life. All one would have to do is read the previous posts to understand that a huge change occured in my life last August. If America is the melting pot of cultures, I was the melting pot of emotions. I was sad, then I was angry, then I was sad and angry, then I was content, then I was happy, then I was sad again... well you get it. It also didn't help that I took every excuse and opportunity to keep the wound completely open. I was like a herione addict that knew what I was doing was bad for me, but who couldn't face the withdrawl that comes from change. Then, of all people, my father gave me the talk that changed everything. He told me that I was holding onto smoke; something that was no longer there. The relationship that had made up a huge portion of my Berkeley experience, was now just as over as my undergraduate career. I began to think that though I joked about wanting to be the female Van Wylder, and fail all of my classes so I could stay an undergraduate forever, I never would have actually done so.  Well if I wouldn't do that with my academic career, then why was I doing it with my personal life? I was failing myself, failing my dreams, my goals, my true wants and desires, to hold onto...well nothing. Literally the next day, after marveling at how pathetic I was becoming, I cut off all communication and, no exaggeration, my life took flight.  Just like that, in a span of 2 or 3 days, that chapter was completely closed and sealed off as a distant memory, and I started working on the only relationship I have any business being in; the one with myself.

A week after ties were cut, I applied for the internship of a lifetime (read next post), was accepted into said internship, and am working hard to save as much money as possible to fund what will inevitably be one of the greates adventures of my life. And, like I said earlier in the post, this may never have come about had circumstances been different. I thank God everyday for the blessings he has bestowed upon me, but most of my thanks goes to the clarity that I was given to see that my life is limitless (and for a person with big dreams this is not something you forsake or take for granted). The sky is truly my limit, and the fact that, prior to the cut off, I wasn't doing everything in my power to soar to the heights that I truly feel I'm destined to reach, was a huge personal abuse. So, now that one chapter is closed, another begins, so stay tuned for all the great details of my soon to be had adventures in INDIA!

-Jordana Simone

1 comment:

  1. What a phenomenal post! So glad you decided to keep your blog going